So I’ve kinda been thinking lately about heaven… not for any particular reason, but you know, one of those whilst-i’m-trying-to-get-to-sleep moments (I swear at that time I think way to philosophically about things).

Anyway. Everyone has some kinda few on heaven, whether they ‘believe’ in it or not. A bright field, angels, beauty, reunion with those you’ve lost. But if you think about it properly, truly think about it, heaven would be hell.

If you lose your life partner prematurly, and then fall in love all over again, who do you go to first when you’re in heaven? How can you go straight to your first love when that other person picked you up, made you smile, became your everything? How could you possibly choose between the two people that at different times in your life have been your everything? You can’t have both, so seriously, how do you look one in the eye and say that you don’t need them anymore?

And what about if you’ve disappointed someone who’s looked down on you. You’ve screwed up, and get a frosty reception when you’re behind the golden gates… do you listen to them? Ignore them? Apologise? It was your life, you can’t do anything about it now, but what if they won’t drop it? Can’t look at you or can’t stand the person you’ve become since they left?

Then there’s anger. When someone you love dies, although it’s not really there fault, you’re angry. Do you push that aside or do you break down in a combination of joy and anger? Do you yell at them, ask them why they left you, or do you simply smile, forget, and give them a hug?

I would love to think of heaven as being like a block of flats that is personal to you. All the people you’ve ever loved has their own flat, which is simply their favourite place. You visit everyone as you please; spend lots of time with certain people, not so much time with others. You socialise, smile, and live that way, forever. But even that would have it’s problems. People might be annoyed you’re not ‘visiting’ them often. Friends might become jealous you’re spending more time with a certain other friend than them. People might not even want you to visit anymore.

But if I’m honest, I think I would rather have a little block of flats with a few problems than not at all. If there is no heaven, then it would be so empty, dull, boring… although of course it wouldn’t even be that - it would simply be nothing.